I'll let that sink in for a minute.
Regular visitors to the blog will be familiar with my antipathy towards Mr. Bay's oeuvre. This afternoon, I just couldn't help myself. Which is why I went on a crazed tweet spree imagining Michael Bay as the auteur steering this remake. I have Storified those tweets for posterity. Nothing You Have Ever Witnessed Before Has Prepared You for Such Sheer Stabbing Shock!
...And remember, the next scream you hear could be your own!