Monday, November 14, 2005

Aaaagh! My Eyes!!

I’ve just spent the entire morning wading through the Office Spam Filter looking for valid e-mails that have gotten themselves ensnared in its sticky web. I want to stab out my eyes with straightened paper clips now.

On the positive side, I have learned a few things:

I now know more about Viagra, Cialis and Hoodia than anyone on the planet. Fact.

There are a lot of wealthy Nigerians who really need my bank details. There are live girls waiting to talk with me right now! Lots of people want to offer me loans, stock tips, fake Rolexes, pet care, cures for baldness, and “hypoallergenic and dishwasher safe” sex toys.

I have also revelled in the limited joys of the deliberate misspelling, those amateurish tricks designed to fool a Spam Filter. You know the sort of thing I mean: pr0n; brest; secksual disfunktion.

So, 4000 e-mails later, my eyes burn from the fire of a thousand blazing pixels. I need a nap followed by gently massaging coffee grounds and Jack Daniel’s into my tear ducts.

6 comments:

Shh! Bert at Work said...

1) the orange in this site is stabbing out my eyes

2) I would rather just be classified under `Friends.'

3) The old stuff was a bit better

Jennifer said...

I like the orange.

Feel free to categorize me under "Freaks" if you break it into 2 listings.

:^)

b rankmuir said...

Hoodia has only recently started rolling down my own personal spamalanche. Bloody silly name if you ask me, especially in the age of teen chav paranoia. I'll stick to my regular dosage of charitywristbandio, thank you very much.

Can we play "Word Verification Call-My-Bluff"?

My word is "klewwyfn".

Is it
a) a Breton hunting dagger,
b) a mythical Icelandic sweetmeat or c) Welsh for "underpants"?

AKA said...

I really, really want it to be Welsh for underpants.

b rthurmarshall said...

It is - well done!

"Cerotmi" - is it...

a) an orange bacterial infection;
b) a longfish found only in the River Po;
or c) a mistake that can only be made - and therefore forgiven - by the Pope?

AKA said...

Dude, where are you finding this stuff??
I would like Cerotmi to be an orange bacterial infection...