Friday, May 27, 2005

My Pet Goat

Regular readers will know by now the unnerving frequency with which ticking duncebombs are hurled into my lap by my unbelievably retrograde colleagues. This one’s a doozy.

Before I get started on this, a disclaimer: It may sometimes appear that I artificially heighten my reporting of events for dramatic or comedic effect. But I assure you, this is an almost verbatim conversation I had yesterday. I would recommend holding onto your lower jaw to prevent it from hitting the table…

Tard: “I got given a DVD about September 11th the other day… (followed by an interminable load of babbling twaddle about conspiracy theories. Too dull to reproduce here)…”
AKA: (Half-heartedly saying “yeah” and “hmmm” occasionally)
Tard: “And apparently there was another plane that hit some other building that day too.”
AKA: “You mean the Pentagon.”
Tard: “Yeah. Never heard that one before.”

Yes, I know. In no way, shape or form is the existence of four plane crashes on September 11th a piece of obscure, arcane modern history. Surely everybody knows this?

Apparently not.

To compound this phenomenal fuckwittery, the ‘tard in question spends around £25 a week on celebrity gossip magazines. So, the ‘tard could probably tell me who Paris Hilton was fellating last night, but she has never heard of The Pentagon, let alone the fact that someone flew a plane into it less than four years ago.

That is so fucking wrong on so many levels.

1 comment:

Eye Pee Sea said...


Let's think about this. Your friend ('Tard?) reads Gossip magazines? So... the worst thing that she reads about is B list star made it to the A list by going out with other A list celeb.

You on the other hand, read boring papers and stuff, so you know that there were 4 planes, 3 buildings and 2,819 deaths. You probably know that one kid dies from hunger every three seconds Africa.

Your friend probably sleeps better at night; having a rather different view of the world.

I read the boring stuff, and *don't sleep well because of it. Maybe we're doing the wrong thing and your friend is right?

Thanks for the Blog - it made me smile.



* Actually, I don't have any problem sleeping, but you know what I mean.