Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Heads I Kill You, Tails You're Dead!

I’ll try and tamp down on the Dark Ravings today whilst I update you all on the latest happenings in my fucked-up little corner of the world.

So…I’m absolutely shattered today as I had one of those nights when the family disappeared for the evening leaving me to my own twisted devices, and I sat watching Amores Perros until 1.30 in the morning. My eyeballs are punishing me for the lost sleep today.

Tomorrow, the company is due to hold their Annual Conference. In real terms, what this means is packing everybody up, taking them to a remote location, forcing them to take part in a variety of “team-building” exercises, then plying them with alcohol for the rest of the night.

Yeah. I know. “Team-Building”. The irony is not lost on me.

I told The Bosses this morning that I would Definitely Not be attending. When quizzed for a reason, this was the answer I gave:

“Well, I can’t in all good conscience justify placing clay pigeon shooting above making sure my wife and daughter don’t starve to death in two month’s time.”

They didn’t really have a good answer to rebut that ironclad argument. So, tomorrow, I’ll be sitting at home burning up the phone lines and making my C.V. gleam as the Great Job Hunt begins in earnest.

And My Boss has been irritatingly chirpy for the last couple of days. I’m tempted to dig out his eyeballs with a rusty spoon every time I catch a glimpse of his smug face. He’s started getting into the annoying habit of calling up people in the company to berate them for using words like “shit” and “arse” in personal e-mails, now that he has a handy, dandy scanning toy that picks up on swearwords in the corporate e-mail system. Focussing on something so unbelievably petty when people are about to lose their livelihoods is a bafflingly insensitive and wrongheaded approach to take. He’s due a smack in the head any minute now.

You know, as the afternoon progresses, I am feeling increasingly homicidal.

5 comments:

b eliverance said...

With any luck, half of the redneck shitheads you work with won't make it back from the woods.

"Hey, that knot hole in that thar tree looks mighty purdy...."

matt said...

heavy shit on the job front, blumpkin. i hope that all sorts itself out. i can't really believe you've been in that place long enough to form a special relationship with your new boss. hate is good. - N.B. enjoyed your review of palindromes. tasty pincher poohs.

AKA said...

You are both too, too kind.
B - Yes, I would be thrilled if some kind of shotgun-related accident befalls the intrepid Team Builders today.
Matt - Hate IS good, isn't it? I'm finding it quite exhilarating. And I'm glad to hear you enjoyed my PALINDROMES review. I didn't think people still read my reviews...

matt said...

it's probably only me to be honest.

AKA said...

I think you might be right.