Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Analyse This

Bambaclat.

And now, a small experiment to illustrate the prurient nature of the Internet. With just two small words happily snuggling up close to one another, I will magically increase Internet traffic to my modest little weblog. If it doesn’t work, then my consistent underestimation of all of humanity’s freaks will have been wasted.

Having said that, I have no doubts that it will work. I will update all you lovely Punchers with the results of my experiment as and when I have anything remotely resembling empirical data.

And now, it’s time for the delicately worded incantation that will send my hit counter soaring towards uncharted heights. Ready? Here goes:

FREE PORN

No doubt, sweaty basement-dwellers with calloused palms will flock here to worship in the fleshy glow of their monitor screens, to be confronted by nothing more than my shapeless rantings. Bwahahahaha! I’ve just wasted five minutes of their precious masturbation time! I have them all in my thrall!

Wow. I’m dizzy with power in a Victor Von Doom kinda way.

One teeny tiny final thing: Hot on the heels of the news of John Vernon’s unfortunate passing came reports of yet another death of one of my all-time favourite character actors, the sublime Ossie Davis, civil rights campaigner, and frequent collaborator of both Burt Reynolds and Spike Lee. “Doctor, always do the right thing.” Sad, sad news indeed.

This is turning into a terrible year for my favourite character actors. I keep expecting to hit a news site to be confronted with the news that Paul Giamatti has been found with a sharpened arrowhead embedded in his throat…

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