Monday, November 01, 2004

Hour Glassed

119 minutes and counting…I have a ridiculously small workload in this job. And I would rather be bored and busy, than bored with not even the most mundane and mindless tasks to keep my eyes from drifting to the little clock nestling in the bottom right hand corner of my screen. What makes this lack of tasks all the more surprising is the fact that my team shrank from three people to two last week, and it hasn’t had any impact on the minuscule size of my little work pile.

110 minutes and counting…PricewaterhouseCoopers seem to have coined the phrase “rate tarts” to describe people who change credit cards every six months to take advantage of 0% APR offers. What a marvellously disparaging smackdown to belittle sane people who don’t want to be put in the poor house by the criminally high levels of interest charged by those modern-day loan sharks, the credit card companies. The credit card companies can take care of their own damn selves. If they want to offer 0% APR, then they can fucking well live with the consequences, and stop crying about it in public. It’s very undignified.

103 minutes and counting…The sight of someone who doesn’t see an open filing cabinet drawer, and then goes flying over it with the loud thud of shoes against metal, followed by the even louder thud of soft flesh against hard floor, is a good way to break the drudgery of a Monday afternoon, and loosen up the neglected laughter muscles. Take my word for it.

95 minutes and counting…With the return of Greenwich Mean Time denoting the official start of Winter, its time for another annual bout of Seasonal Affected Disorder. Or, as I like to call it, the pathological compulsion to jab rusty forks into the pee-holes of fuckstick kids who set off fireworks at 3AM.

34 minutes and counting…I just serviced a printer. The printer thanked me, and I asked it to leave the money on the dresser on the way out. Arf arf, fnarr fnarr.

32 minutes and counting…I’m not sure what worries me more. The fact that George W. Bush could conceivably get four more years (sending the planet into a hellish vortex that will no doubt irrevocably scar us all), or the fact that no matter what he says, John Kerry can’t seem to break this deadlock so close to voting. Whatever happens, such close running must indicate some kind of constitutional crisis soon. Obviously, neither candidate is sufficiently attractive to the electorate. Which must be a Very Bad Thing. I have never known an American presidential election to get such extensive coverage in the world media. Which just goes to show that the stakes are higher than they have ever been, and the outcome will affect people far beyond American borders.

11 minutes and counting…It is now absolutely pitch black outside. I’ve had enough of today. And I’ve got four more days of this shit before the next all-too-short weekend.

I need a holiday.

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