Monday, September 20, 2004

Mind the Gap

Oh, that’s it. They’ve gone too far. By “they”, I mean the evil, vicious scatmunchers behind the Gap advertising campaigns.

They crossed my tolerance threshold years ago with their jingly jangly formation dancing commercials, a clusterfuck of politically correct multicultural beautiful people spasmodically swirling in front of a white backdrop, rictus smiles carved into their botox-poisoned features. Then came the celebrity endorsements, which has now reached its nadir with the worst commercial ever.

When did someone use one of Lenny Kravitz’s guitar strings to cheese-cut his nuts off? And what is up with that fruity haircut? And Sarah Jessica Parker and her facial blemish can Fuck. Right. Off. They should both be boiled down into bars of soap, so I can wipe my ass on them for all eternity.

And in a bizarre word association crossed wire in my head, now all I can think about is The Gap Band. But that’s probably because after watching that commercial, I want to go Oops Upside their Fucking Head.

On a lighter note, it was my firstborn’s due date yesterday. But the baby has yet to arrive. I wonder if fatherhood will mellow me...

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