Friday, July 16, 2004

It’s a thin line…

You know how those magazines make those arbitrary lists? Like “Cool-o-meter” things? What’s hot and what’s not? Just to fill pages between the ads?

Well, I have no such need to fill this blog with such things. But today I have already pondered things that both fill me with venom and bile, and things that bring a smile to my hard-to-impress face. And I’m all about the sharing. So…

Things I Hate

Vernon Kay – Will someone please shoot this prick? Get him off our screens! He’s a talentless idiot! It’s easy enough for me to avoid terrible crap like T4, but not so easy when he pops up in every other commercial break selling fucking Doritos. KILL HIM NOW! And earn my eternal gratitude.

Too many jalapenos on my pizza – Now, I love spicy food and I love jalapenos. I don’t, however, like shooting hot molten brown magma out of my ass first thing in the morning. I’m still suffering now. I’d like to apologise in advance to the ghost of Johnny Cash. “Burn, burn, burn, like a ring of fire...”

Things I Love

Broadsheet newspapers with a tabloid shape – Inspired! The Independent looks absolutely gorgeous these days, with a nice, uncluttered stylishness that actually makes me want to read it. Now, will The Guardian please, please, please do the same? It will satiate all my current affairs desires.

Ahmed – Yes, I know, Big Brother is rubbish television, and I shouldn’t be watching it. I’m weak! Can’t I have my weaknesses? Can’t I? Ahmed is a comedy genius, and the best thing about this programme ever. “I am not a sandwich!” You ain’t wrong there, dude. AHMED TO WIN!

Ah, shit. That’s enough for now. Feeling delirious in the knowledge that the weekend is mere hours away. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the toilet. “Burn, burn, burn..."

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